DEAR ABBY: After 17 years of marriage, I learned, to my dismay, that when he was 22, my husband had a long-term relationship with a 16-year-old. He insisted that she had lied about her age and told him she was 20.

But even after finding out her true age, he went back to her. Her mother was OK with it, as well as other family members who all knew she was underage. It makes me sick to my stomach. They engaged in sexual activity when she was underage. They were even engaged until she allegedly cheated.

I’m livid because he tried to say he TOLD me she was underage, but he never did. I would never have dated or married someone who knowingly had sex with an underaged individual. I’ve been questioning a lot about this marriage, but this sent me over the top. Am I overreacting because he “was young and dumb” and “did something stupid and never did it again,” as he puts it? — CAN’T GET OVER IT

DEAR CAN’T: The most important line in your letter as far as I am concerned is this one: “I’ve been questioning a lot about this marriage.” The first item on your agenda should be to make an appointment with a licensed marriage and family therapist so you and your husband can start working on what’s wrong with your relationship.

His feelings for that girl were sincere. He would have married her had she not cheated on him. If he has been a faithful and caring husband since your marriage, it’s time to forgive him for his youthful indiscretion, which was encouraged by the girl’s family.

DEAR ABBY: How old is too old for a bride to have a wedding shower? I just turned 45, and this is my first marriage. My fiance is 49, and this is his second marriage. We are not “just starting out,” by any means. Friends are insisting that I have a shower and register for key serving pieces, art pieces, etc. Would it be a faux pas, or does age not matter? Inquiring minds want to know. Thank you! — WONDERING IN MISSOURI

DEAR WONDERING: If your friends would like to host a wedding shower for you, relax, enjoy yourself and agree. It would not be a breach of etiquette, and your age should not be a factor in whether you have one.