Properly Subversive
I resent people fooling around with the literary classics of my youth.
Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn has been under fire for years. Twain used the “N-word.” Some want to change it to “slave,” to fit the modern ear. More recently, the publishers of Agatha Christie’s work plan to scrub her novels of words like “Oriental,” “Gypsy” and Native” in future printings. And now the keepers of Ian Fleming’s James Bond franchise are under pressure to make the 007 character less of, well, a sexist playboy.
I find this kind of reformation irritating.
Mark Twain and Agatha Christie can fend for themselves. I must come to the defense of James Bond as he embodies a certain teen angst in American males of my vintage. I ask you, what would a James Bond be without his playboy vibe?
I suppose you could spoof the whole idea of making James Bond comply to the standards of a “modern man” with a script in which other female agents report Bond to HR and he gets put on probation and sent to a re-education school secretly run by Spectre. In the end, Bond sees through the diabolical ruse, seduces the headmistress and together they defeat Spectre one more time.
I’d watch that movie.
But for those who see the 007 character as a misogynistic creep, they look to end Bond’s bawdy puns and put a stop to him treating women as an excuse to roll in the hay between killing bad guys.
For me, I don’t see how reformation is possible. For example, how would you fix these three wildly sexist quips from Bond movies past?
Vesper Lynd: “If the only thing left of you was your smile and your little finger, you’d still be more of a man than anyone I’ve ever known.”
James Bond: “That’s because you know what I can do with my little finger…”
Verity: “I see you handle your weapon well.”
James Bond: “I have been known to keep my tip up.”
James Bond: “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.”
Moneypenny: “You always were a cunning linguist, James.”
See what I mean? If anyone wants to take a stab at fixing James Bond, misguided though it may be, I’d like to see you try. You can reach me via email at ShermFrederick@gmail.com.
SECRET JUSTICE?
Attention good people of all political stripes, this is important.
We are now finding out that a Jan. 6 protester was sentenced to prison in secret.
Writes the Associated Press on Sept. 15: “Hundreds of rioters have been charged, convicted and sentenced for joining the mob attack on the U.S. Capitol. Unlike their cases, Samuel Lazar’s appears to have been resolved in secret — kept under seal with no explanation, even after his release from prison.”
AP adds: “There is no public record of a conviction or a sentence in Lazar’s court docket.
But the Bureau of Prisons told The Associated Press that the man was released from federal custody this week after completing a sentence for assaulting or resisting a federal officer. Lazar was sentenced in Washington’s federal court on March 17 to 30 months in prison, according to the Bureau of Prisons, but there’s no public record of such a hearing. He had been jailed since July 2021.”
You can do that? In America?
CAN’T MAKE IT UP
Normally, I could care less about the politics of a random house seat in Virginia. But throw in the element of sex on a porn site and, well, I must take a look. You know, for journalism’s sake.
The news scoop in this race involves Susanna Gibson, a comely and fit Democrat, running for the Virginia seat. But the Washington Post revealed that Ms. Gibson, a nurse by day, also makes videos of herself having sex with her husband on a pay-to-see porn site.
(Much needed supplemental income in the Biden economy, no doubt.)
Just to be clear, I didn’t literally look at the porn site, but I read the Post’s reporting enough to learn that some Democrats defend Gibson – and I’m not making this up! – by arguing It’s the 21st century and people don’t care what their elected representatives do on their off time.
Her porn activity is just a distraction, they say.
Abortion is the real issue and Ms. Gibson is just a hard working gal in favor of defending reproductive rights for women everywhere.
No kidding. I’d say she demonstrates an appetite for reproductive rights, start to finish.
I could make a few more bawdy references, but I best end this report here.
ONE MORE THING
– If stores can pay a person to watch you in the self-checkout line, why can’t they pay a person to open the cash register and provide real customer service?
– There’s a new movie coming out on the invention of the perfect marshmallow. It’s called “The Right Fluff.”
– A car covered with leaves, is an “autumnmobile.”
Sorry (not sorry) for my spectacularly lame jokes this week. Please come back next week anyway. Until then, avoid soreheads, laugh a little and always question authority.
“Properly Subversive” is commentary written by Sherman R. Frederick, a Nevada Hall of Fame journalist and co-founder of Battle Born Media, a news organization dedicated to the enhancement and preservation of community newspapers. You can reach him by email at shermfrederick@gmail.com.
